Sometimes there is nothing like getting out and walking your dog in the evening, unless you live in the Phoenix magma chamber / metro area, like I do. Even if the sun is DOWN, your eyes somehow burn as the hot air wafts against your face like you've got a portable convection oven centered on your head.
I have tried walking out and about with my eyes closed in the dry evening heat, but after a few sprained knees and ankles falling off the sidewalks, I gave that practice up in favor of - swimming goggles.
Swimming goggles are the only thing I have found that keep the hot air burn out. I'm willing to risk looking like a tool, since I usually have that base covered anyway (especially lately!), but I do not have prescription swimming goggles. Yet, anyway.. Yet.
I walked down to Fresh and Easy last night, just to check and see if cars were illegally parked in all those 'hybrid' spaces that are always empty there. OK, so it is not illegal to park there, but it is clearly unethical. Maybe not immoral, but certainly not kosher or even halal. That won't stop dirty parking cheats!!
I thought I saw a friend's car irreverently parked in a Fresh and Easy hybrid space (near Walgreens, Gilbert and Guad), but needed a closer look to determine that it was indeed the friend's car before I unfairly judged them. Tsk, tsk, tsk.. It was. So, I left a note threatening to report him to Fresh and Easy, who will certainly suspend his Friends rewards card account. Any. Day. Now.
However, I realize I can't change the unfairly biased and prejudicial parking world, especially not by reporting one sneaky little hybrid space-parker at a time. If I catch any of you in the hybrid parking spot again, don't worry - no more Fresh and Sleazy parking attendant / slash mischief making from me. If you see a dent in your car after parking in the hybrid spot, it wasn't me, I promise. I might be parked right next to you in the next empty hybrid parking spot. I'm a hypocrite, see. Besides, isn't any vehicle really a 'hybrid' compared to say, a Model T? Sheesh, F&S.. Take it easy!!!
One thing is for sure - Fresh and Easy is no Trader Joe's, but sometimes I think it thinks it is. I do admit to liking to shop there, especially when I need to scavenge the 'cheap-but-no-so-Fresh-anymore' items in the discount trunk for super budget eats. Very inexpensive. There are some good easy consumables at Fresh and Easy (a really good caprese sammich, for example), and they have cage free eggs. I like the 'euro grocer' feel (I believe it is a chain from Britain), and a lot of the euro food items. I am in love with their potato / tortilla chip / cheesy poof aisle. Wow, it is just so awesome for a 'crisp' lover. So many good, fattening snackilicious carby treats to choose from. I also really like the Fresh and Easy baked goods. "C" is for (Madeleine) "cookie" (and a cafe con leche), that's good enough for me.
I have noticed some items at Fresh and Sleazy are almost identical to Trader Joe's. I am pretty sure F&S is copying TJ's. Maybe TJ's copies some F&S stuff, but I refuse to believe it. I'm biased, however, because I believe the liberal media, and they are clearly in the tank for Trader Joe's. I don't have any evidence to support this. I just assume it is so, because I just don't quite trust stuff (especially food) this cheap that has an average shelf life of 45 minutes - on a cold day.
In the interest of continually overanalyzing and overthinking everything obsessively almost all of the time, I thought I'd share some of those 'dups' I have tried recently, and pick the 'winner' of each..
Curried Chicken Salad:
WINNER - Trader Joe's, hands down. Fresh and Sleazy's is like mustardy muddy mayo goo. What do they say, you first 'eat with your eyes?' This is another time those swimming goggles could come in handy.
Serrano Salsa Fresca (TJ) vs Chipotle Salsa (F&S):
WINNER - Trader Joe's. F&S Chipotle Salsa is good, just not as good as TJ's. Similar texture, color, and non-chunky style, so I call 'dup', do not let the serrano vs smoked jalapeno in the name fool you. Trader Joe's wins pretty much all the salsa wars with F&S - although F&S has a corn salsa TJ's doesn't have. But when you can steal some pico de gallo at F&S in the 'not-so-Fresh-anymore' section for $1.50, you really have something to work with..
Powerberries (little pomegranate / acai / juicy sugar chunks covered in dark chocolate - basically, candy masquerading as 'healthy super antioxidant' treats):
WINNER - Fresh and Sleazy. My kids prefer Trader Joe's, because they are smaller 'berries'. I like the huge, fat, chewy F&S powerberry thingies. Mas macho.
Plantain Chips:
WINNER - Fresh and Sleazy. Dangit, I like the F&S plantain chips slightly better. They are a bit crispier and seem to have more plantains in the package. However, TJ's wins on package art. C'mon, that monkey is so rad. Monkey chips! Genius!
There are a lot more 'dups' I am forgetting, but I cannot recall them right now, lucky for you. I figure I might as well go with some macro section comparisons then... Why are you still reading, anyway?
We will skip the frozen and sundries sections, since TJ's cannot be beaten.
Produce - Avocado to Zanahoria:
WINNER - Fresh and Sleazy. OK I'll give F&S this one. They have cheap fruits and veggies, and if you find the deals, wow, you can get like 20 heads of broccoli for $.50. They'll be bad the next day, but you can feed your family well on a fast food budget at F&S. Plus, Fresh and Easy has more chili pepper varieties, and (yes!) Big bag of cilantro. I hate buying the herbs at TJ's in those tiny little plastic boxes. Rip off - and you're back in two days! Scam alert! Infomercial tycoon Ron Popeil must be involved in the marketing somehow. Why do I.. fighting the urge to say... don't want to say.... "set it and forget it!" Argh, well played, Ron Popeil.
Meats:
WINNER - TJ's. Trader Joe's, while not the highest quality (need free range beef and pork), kills Fresh and Sleazy here. The F&S 'bulk' meats give the impression that you're about to get gelatinous glunk all over your hands when you open the packages. To their credit - they now offer free range chicken, if you'd like to pay 3x normal F&E price for it. I think this says more about the poor quality of their typical meat products than their free range chicken being overpriced however.
There is a rumor that if you leave the Fresh and Sleazy chicken in your freezer too long past the expiration date (which is one day after you buy it), you have burn the chicken instead of just throwing it away, or it reconstitutes itself as an undead chicken zombie in your fridge. That can't be as cool as it sounds, right?
Wine and Bev:
WINNER - TIE. F&S has better discounts, while TJ's has a broader wine selection. Clearly, the cheaper booze are tough to overlook, but since I mentioned I'm in the tank for Trader Joe's, I'll just call it a draw. At least I'm calling it a draw, right? It is not like I'm Fox News, who will be calling the upcoming Presidential debates a 'win' for Romney, which we know is going to be impossible. Really, Fox still will. Maybe they'll call it a win in a 'squeaker,' which will allow them to (dis)claim some measure of intellectual integrity, and feel less guilty doing so. Say, that reminds me.. Think Romney would ever eat at a Fresh and Sleazy? I mean, he ripped on that local bakery in (I think) Pittsburgh's cookies. I don't think he'd touch my chocolate dipped Fresh and Sleazy madeleine's with a 10-foot pole. Not even the fire pole he has in his Bat Cave with a car elevator. Wait, when did this blog become political? Oops. Wait, are car elevators even fodder for politics, or just politics for fodder?
Parking -
WINNER - Fresh and Sleazy.
The parking lot near Trader Joe's on Gilbert / Baseline can be tough to navigate, and you might get run over when busy. They need a traffic cop - but he'd probably get run over, first. That leads too too much bureaucratic paperwork, I guess.
What is good parking really worth anyway? Don't ask me. I always just park in the convenient 'hybrids only' spot.
I'm still playing Asian Vaneera Ice, after all.
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