Losing My Religion (and Personal Dishwasher) - Some Trader Joe's 'Easy Grub' Reviews

I recently lost my Personal Dishwasher.

My Personal Dishwasher was of course much more than just the label I am giving her for this blog entry - but it is now painfully apparent and obvious how much personal dishwashing-ness was being selflessly performed for me.

The dishes and trash (we'll just call it 'dish-trash') seem to get piled up so high, so fast it is mind-boggling - I do not even know where it all comes from.  My neighbors must be dumping their dish-trash in my kitchen when I am not home, or my daughters must be having secret high school sorority parties I don't know about.  Perhaps dish-trash itself is a self-propagating organism that replicates when you are not looking.  All this dish-trash mess, along with the small insect swarm looming over the garbage, make the kitchen look, sound, and smell like the giant trash compactor scene from Star Wars - A New Hope. 

I could swear I even saw a mucousy tentacle twitch, move, and glide away from under the rubbish the other day.

In order to avoid adding more trash to the scene, since my kitchen is not a giant compactor and I do not have C3PO to extricate me, I have had to resort to less cooking and more (and more) easy Trader Joe's meals.  Cooking not only compounds the dish-trash problem, it reminds me that I miss my personal dishwasher.  It is just not as much fun to cook anymore.

That leads me back to quick, easy Trader Joe eats.  Sometimes we just need a quick, easy, convenient fresh or frozen food grab and nothing beats Trader Joe's in that department.  Here are some of my recent eats and notes..

Rating Scale -
* - Take it BACK, or throw it out before you make yourself sick.
** - Edible, but only in a pinch.  If it is healthy, you're eating to live.  If it isn't, you're wishing you didn't have to eat it.
*** - Decent daily grind grub.  'solidly edible' for being healthy, or just tasty for not caring.
**** - Very, very good staple for fridge / freezer.  Very delicious, or, at least very tasty for still being kind of healthy.
***** - Exceptionally scrumptious.  When I'm with you baby, I go out of my head.  And I just can't get enough.


**.5 - Dark Chocolate Edamame.  I wanted to like this more, but the dry edamame lingers as grit.  Dark chocolate makes it OK tho.  More like ** but anything with edamame in it sneaks in an extra .5.

***** - Dark Chocolate Pistachio Toffee.   Ugh.  If you don't have people to share it with, you're in trouble.  There should be a warning on the container that lets you know you will gain two pounds the day after opening.
***.5 - Dark Chocolate Covered Coconut Mango Bites.  These are like gourmet Mounds candybar bites, but with some mango.  Perfect size.  Yum.

***** - Dark Chocolate Pretzel Thins.  These are more addicting than the Super Mario Brothers in 1990.  Thanks to a friend for turning me onto these, best used in conjuction with --- (next)

**** - Trader Joe's Coffee Ice Cream.   Booyah, with the prezel thins.

***** - Pear Tarte (frozen). One of the best desserts I've ever had at TJ's.  Not too sweet, not too rich, but very, very satisfying.  Must add time to the thawing directions.

**.5 - Eggplant Wrap.  Sometimes I really dig this, sometimes I just think it is ok.  If the cabbage is fresh, and I dump a lot of tahini on it, I like it.  When I let it sit in my fridge too long before eating it (expiration dates are for pansies), it is pretty much **** (two stars added for expletive effect).

**.5 - Lentil Wrap.  See, Eggplant Wrap.  Love the cumin-y lentil spice, tho.

*** - Chicken Tikka Masala (refrigerated, not frozen).  Not bad, although that is not saying a lot, really, for one of the greatest dishes on the planet.  It should get *** in almost any serving.  The basmati rice reheated surprisingly well.

As a side note, Chicken Tikka Masala with fresh, hot garlic naan is on my very short 'Pending Prison Execution Last Meal' list, along with an Entire Sushi Platter, Pho + Cha Gio Bun, REAL English Pub Fish and Chips with Malt Vinegar and Mayo and a Pint of Rogue Hazelnut Ale, almost anything with goat cheese, and Paella Valenciana.  There is good chicken tikka masala and then there is CHICKEN FRIKKAN MASALA, though, even when youa re talking about good chicken tikka masala.  I think may have something to do with the use of yogurt over cream, but I am not sure..

***** - Curried White Chicken Salad (refrigerated). WOW, this stuff is impossible to stop eating.  Currants (or raisins, not sure), shredded carrots, good texture, great blend of sweet, spice, and savory.  Simply one of my favorite things at TJs right now.  Easy to just grab and grub, even if you just need a few tasty bites, and put back in the fridge.

**** - Tabbouleh (refrigerated).  Near ****.  In fact, in retrospect, I'm changing it to ****.  I really like TJ's tabbouleh.  Pair it with any one of their pretty good batches / types of hummus and ------ (not exciting enough for a drum roll) -----

***.5 - Balela (refrigerated).  ------ Balela, a chickpea salad.  Really good with TJ tabbouleh, hummus, and pita or pita chips.  I should really give this four stars, but sometimes with chickpeas, you don't know how fresh (or farty) they'll taste.

***.5 - Middle East Feast.  Great quick grab $4 meal of hummus, tabbouleh, falafel, and pita with tahini.  Four bucks.  Who cares of the falafel is just OK when it isn't fried?  Satisfying.

*.5 - Moussaka (refrigerated).  This is one of the worst things I have ever eaten at TJ's.  The eggplant tastes like plastic, and the potato mash tastes worse than KFC's potato bud flakes.  The ground beef is very tasty, but it is difficult to pick out.  I have been told by sources who know in the past that real moussaka has bechamel, not whipped potatoes.  But they're Greek, so what do they know.  Avoid this one.

** - Mushroom and Gorzonzola Ravioli (refrigerated).  This sounds amazing, but the asparagus is as hard as wood, and this does not microwave well, unless you like woody asparagus. 

** - Butternut Squash Risotto (frozen).  OK, so frozen risotto can never qualify as anything approximating real, creamy, perfectly textured arborio-blessed risotto.  But, when you throw this together, you get a very holiday-ish, tasty, chunky, overswollen rice dish that I actually kind of liked eating with the filet roast the girls and I made with it.  Oops, maybe it was the filet roast that made it good.  Make all frozen risotto recipes better - just add a medium-rare, herb-crusted filet..

** - Pollo Asado (refrigerated).  Below average, if you like good chicken.  Not enough veggies, which are the best part in this dish.  More like a brick than chicken.  Charlton Heston trampled on hay in mud in the Ten Commandments to make this chicken.

**** - Serrano Salsa Fresca (refrigerated).  I love making my own salsa, but this is one of the best pre-made fresh salsas you will find.  It is hard to want to make fresh salsa when you can just buy it this good in plastic.  I've had it before where it was strangely too acidic, and times it was simply perfect, which is why I can't go to *****.   Thin enough for taqueria style sauce, yet 'spooney' enough for chip salsa.

***.5 - Fresh Shrimp Roll (refrigerated).  Must eat right away, but really tasty with the peanut sauce, mostly because shrimp is just awesome.  Needs more shrimp and shrimp, but the salad in the roll is good.  If you do not eat right away, the bottom where the rice paper hits the plastic container gets oozy gooey gross.  Rice paper slime is no bueno.

*** - Turkey Meatballs (frozen).  In a pinch, a quick extra virgin olive oil saute of an onion, some minced garlic, a can of crushed tomatoes, a little water (or wine), simmer and finish with some fresh basil, and salt and pepper to taste. Throw in the frozen meatballs and simmer a few minutes, and boil some pasta.  So easy, a monkey could do it (and he did).  These are pretty good turkey meatballs for dirt cheap and tasty pasta dishes, or by itself (saute some shredded carrots with the onion and garlic, a little extra water or stock, and simmer longer for a simple turkey meat ball marinara that is molto delicioso).

**** - Spanish Cheese - Tapas Trio (cheese).  Manchego, Iberico, and Cabra al Vino.  I should start by saying I am biased towards Spanish cheeses, or I guess all things Spain.  However, manchego with honey drizzle or quince paste (membrillo) is probably my favorite cheese ever, and I dare anybody to try it before they don't have manchego on their short list of favorite cheeses.  Iberico is great (also good with honey), but cabra al vino, while very good, is too similar in texture and taste in this trio to the other cheeses.  Buy some Spanish murcia al vino ("Drunken Goat") instead - you can eat the tasty wined rind, it is much more smooth and 'goaty', and is a better contrast to manchego and iberico cheeses.  This is a really good little sampler, though, especially since the cheese are already sliced into little Spanish tapas triangles.